I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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