What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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