I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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