Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
