can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
