Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
