Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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