can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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