She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
