I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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