come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
