When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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