What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
