At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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