Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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