I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
