So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
