so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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