But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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