I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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