I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
