Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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