dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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