Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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