how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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