you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
