just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
