Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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