i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
