My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
