singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
