You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
