Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
