We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
