you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
