Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
