I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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