but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
