Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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