If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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