I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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