Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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