I want to have your abortion
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
