Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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