I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize