I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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