she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
