The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
