Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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