Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
