My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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