Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
