I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
