I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
