Porn is love you can see.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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