i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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