You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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