I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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