A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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