so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
