What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
