dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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