Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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