I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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