Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
