I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
