Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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