No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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