you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
