That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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