I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
