so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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